Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines Day Part 2

ok kids, this is part 2 of my Valentines Day Extravaganza....or something like that


So today is the actual real Valetines day and i am really going to try hard to not ramble through this blog.
As we know from part 1, things are muddle and puddle for me.
today only made it all that more clearer for me.
Saturday in KC made me realize alot of things. I found myself back into a pattern that I dont like that I am getting on. As we all know, Ive been seeing D now for the last almost 2 months now. I was so stoked to be able to spend this weekend with him. I guess in the far corners of my mind, I was hoping upon hope that it would be the catalyst to making him realize that we should be together. But, hey why would a guy want commitment to muddy up an already sweet deal right? (what am I talking about you wonder?) well heck, what guy would want to attach commitment to a situation that works out so well in his favor. You've got girl who is into you, you can have fun together, your getting the sex but you have none of the commitment that is required when your her boyfriend....exactly, what guy would complicate that???
So there in lies the dilemma, I am jumping right back into the crazy cycle i just so desperatly tried to escape from another guy. I am not so sure how this all keeps happening to me. But like Keri Hilson said "girls we cant be mad at anyone but ourselves, sometimes us women tolerate too damn much".
ANYWAY
So today is Valentines Day and i struggled all day to not have that whole Bahumbug attitude, but by 2:30-3:00 I was pretty much there.
I was close to the end of my shift, when a maintenance guy stopped by my desk. He brought me a large brown box and pointed to the name on the box and asked " Is this you?" and i promptly stated yes, he said " good, ive got two others just like it, ill be back". Three boxes...what the freak.
after my call, ill cut the box open, only to reveal a LARGE fluffy stuff teddy bear. Moments later the maintenance man came as promised with two equally large boxes.
With my supervisors permission i logged off my computer and cut into the other boxes. What was revealed blew my mind away. two dozen lavender long stem roses, two silver vases, purple sequin hearts and notes that said " I send a kiss inside the petals of each rose.." and "you take my breath away..today and everyday"....OMG. i could have cried, however everyone who knows me knows im not much for crying in public.
Now right now, I wont reveal who they came from because its really not the point, however the point was in the pudding... This gesture this valentines day wasnt about what was sent, it was what the message said to me.
It said to me: Jina, you were worth my time and my effort. you were worth something to me. I see you and the amazing woman you are and I acknowlegdge it. After putting everyone else first above yourself, I put you first.

This valentines day made me realize one of many things. You cant buy love nor can you force it. Sometimes you have to stumble your way through it. But never lose yourself in the process.

I am more than I give myself credit for, or what others give me credit for. And I am now going to get off that cycle.
I hate how much my emotions tend to complicate things, but I cant be that girl that doesnt care. How does someone become a person with no strings attached....how do I get there?
I want to wake up and just stop feeling....maybe its better that way.......
Maybe for once ill stop feeling for people who dont feel back


~**Much Love my Bloggers**~

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