And I wonder

I think a lot of my problem lately is that I have too much time to think, or maybe that I allow my mind to wander too much. I've been awfully weepy and have felt semi sad for about a month now. I can tell you the God honest truth as to why I've been feeling this way and I can tell you that every single girl probably feels the same way as I do.
I guess I have this undeniable feeling that I will be single forever. crazy people tell me, its crazy that I would feel like this, but its true, its this feeling I havent been able to shake.
I am not one of those people that have to be in a relationship to feel valid nor do I require a man to feel like a real woman.
But after the divorce, when youve been with someone for over 5 years, you become...comfortable, its what you know and you know that you dont have anything to worry about, you always know who your coming home to. But now, i fear that in this crazy road I call life, i fear that I will have to travel it alone, indefinetely.
I guess maybe I am looking way too far into this, maybe not. But as they say, I am not getting any younger and hope to eventually have a settled life with kids and my own home. The sands in the hour glass are running and its almost suffocating.
maybe I just need to vent these crazy thoughts and thats why im posting this blog and i apologize if there isnt a flow here, but i cant stop myself from typing this

Breaking at the Cracks

I think you took my heart away when you said you're leaving
'Cause right now I am hurting all over again
And I never thought that I'll be in this place, is this a mistake?
And now I don't know how much more that I can take

I'm breaking at the cracks and everything goes black
It's another heart attack and I can't handle that
Whoa, love I need you back

I know that I'll get through this, the feeling's stronger somehow
I got my feet back on the ground and I'm turning around
And I'll be everything you always said that I could be
If only you'll be waiting right here for me patiently

I'm breaking at the cracks and everything goes black
It's another heart attack and I can't handle that
Whoa, love I need you back

Oh, never would I take you back
My heart was filled with love
And I wipe these tears and I will laugh
If only I could make it last, make it last

Breaking at the cracks

Its a Jungle out there!

OK OK OK, so I know some of you are salivating, and I mean salivating to know about my So called LOVE LIFE...lol (and i really have to laugh because its...laughable!).
Here's the update....
I have been in several dates and the general consensus is...SEX. WHY WHY OH WHY OH WHY is that every guy that you go on a date with assumes that because he bought you one Gosh diggly darn chicken basket you have to touch his...basket. Is there no bloody sense of propriety left in the world!? ok ok ok, i get it, what year do we live in...2010, i guess its the day in age, one date= booty call
le sigh, this endless trek in the world of plenty of fish is exhausting to say that least.

Making Sense

You know, I always say that I am going to start a blog, actually keep it up and maintain it, especially since I've always wanted to keep a journal but could never find a time to start one.

I guess I've always wanted to write a journal because I am one of those people that like to look back and figure out how I could have dont something different. Though we dont have a rewind button on our life, its kinda of a way to relive the moment.

I guess its my crazy way for making sense of this nutty life of mine!

Promise to Blog ill keep this thing up

UnbeLEAFably Fun

I never forget how much fun it is to act like a kid and feel that you should, at the appropriate moments, revert back.

This happend the other night while hanging out with some friends. While sitting outside enjoying the abnormally warm evening, a wild idea came into my mind. Leaves+Pile=fun

Emily's yard was full of leaves so I decided to make a large pile of them, not exactly sure what everyone elses reaction would be.

At first it was just Kathy and I, we battled each other with dried branches with the occasional hand full of leaves on each others head.

Soon...it progressed. Next thing I know we are in a full blown battle ROYALE, leaf battle royale.

It included Kathy, Emily, Michelle, Chris, Jason and Me.

I became a human leaf pile and we soon were chucking leaves and rolling around, and laughing hysterically.

Somehow we managed to pull out the camera and had a full on photoshoot as well.
I can honestly say it was one of the best nights of my life.
I cant say enough how much i truly enjoy my child like Enthusiasm

Trust

"in life Love is a gamble, but its a risk definetly worth taking"

I know you're scared baby, But, you gotta give me everything.

Let me be the one who can take you from all the things you've seen.

And if you trust in me then I can be there for anything you need.

Give it all to me, baby.

Don't you run from me, baby.

I'll give you every little piece of me. No, I won't leave out a thing.

'Cuz I know you've seen a lot of things in your life.

It got you feeling like this can't be right.

But, I won't hurt you; I'm down for you baby.

Let me show you, love can be easy.

If you just let it be.

Nothing is promised, but I believe it.If you give it everything.

I'll give you everything that I've got. I won't stop until you get it right.

All the trust, and all the love.

You know we got a lot baby.

I trust you. I love you. I want you. I need you.

Baby, I breathe you. Never leave you.

Life wouldn't be the same without you.

I trust you.

And I love you.

And I want you.

And I need you.

Baby, I breathe you.

Never leave you.

Life wouldn't be the same without you.

Human Tragedy of the Day

~*HOT MESS*~

The perfect gym outfit, you can be jealous!