" There's No place like Home, There's No place like home....."
As cliche as this might sound (being as I am from Kansas), Judy Garland couldnt have been more right when speaking those words. There truly is no place like home.
In less then 20 days I will be making the trek across the country to the East Coast to visit my blood relatives ( I havent seen them in over 10 years, last time I was there it was for my uncle marks funeral, he killed himself), the family that is actually supposed to be the closest people to me.
Initially, when buying my ticket I was overjoyed to be able to finally see them after so long. My uncles and aunt who, as instilled in me, should be people who played a fundamental part in my life.
As the weeks have passed I cant help but feel more and more.......saddened by going. (as I am typing this, yes I am crying). The people I am going to see....in essence, are strangers, though the same blood flows through them as is does me.
The faces I should know by heart, I will barely recognize. I dread stepping off the plane and feeling a sense of loss. Though my body will be in Baltimore....my heart will be in Kansas.
I am brought to tears knowing that I will miss Thanksgiving with the family I have come to know and love. Ill miss my uncle Charles giving me hell as I walk through their KC home (as is tradition we go to my Uncle Charles and Aunt Deanne's home for Dinner) and his all to familiar laugh that always brings a smile to my face. Ill miss my cousins Chloe and J'den running around being silly preteens and fighting over the usual things that preteens fight about (which is anything).
Ill miss my cousin Micah and me sitting in a large chair together by the fire laughing at the newest boy gossip we have as our stomachs growl waiting for dinner to finish.
Though these people are only my family by marriage...they are the family I have come to know and love so very much. They are the reason I love this time of season and look forward to it every year. The thought of not being part of that this year fills me with so much saddness that even though I havent left yet, I'm filled with homesickness.
I feel such a heavy guilt that my own blood born family do not get the same respect of my excited emotions of seeing them as the people who have no blood ties to me do. I feel almost as if...I have betrayed them, like a traitor.
This holiday season I will truly feel conflicted and cannot wait for it to be over. I never thought I would feel this way when I finally made the decision to go back and see my family and hope that it is something I can deal with before it is time for me to leave.
Home truly is where you heart is...................
I am brought to tears knowing that I will miss Thanksgiving with the family I have come to know and love. Ill miss my uncle Charles giving me hell as I walk through their KC home (as is tradition we go to my Uncle Charles and Aunt Deanne's home for Dinner) and his all to familiar laugh that always brings a smile to my face. Ill miss my cousins Chloe and J'den running around being silly preteens and fighting over the usual things that preteens fight about (which is anything).
Ill miss my cousin Micah and me sitting in a large chair together by the fire laughing at the newest boy gossip we have as our stomachs growl waiting for dinner to finish.
Though these people are only my family by marriage...they are the family I have come to know and love so very much. They are the reason I love this time of season and look forward to it every year. The thought of not being part of that this year fills me with so much saddness that even though I havent left yet, I'm filled with homesickness.
I feel such a heavy guilt that my own blood born family do not get the same respect of my excited emotions of seeing them as the people who have no blood ties to me do. I feel almost as if...I have betrayed them, like a traitor.
This holiday season I will truly feel conflicted and cannot wait for it to be over. I never thought I would feel this way when I finally made the decision to go back and see my family and hope that it is something I can deal with before it is time for me to leave.
Home truly is where you heart is...................
I can't relate to you on this one, cause i haven't been in the exact same position, and even tho i dont know you at all really besides on here and FB i can say that i have realized you are a very strong woman, and even tho it will be hard, you have to become familiar with those people, i mean you said it yourself they are blood relatives, thats your family too. While home is where your heart is, family is family. So go, and try to make a new experience you can share when you get home, dont think about whut your gonna miss, think about whuts to come and keep ya head and faith up.
ReplyDeleteAaron you always give the best feedback, thanks for strong supportive voice in a so so silent world
ReplyDelete