The Endless Sea of Racks and the New beaten Path

Racks and Racks as far as the eye can see...the Merchandise sea is a rough one today, its been a vigorous shopping day and much work needs to be done. The damage is severe and as Captain I must guide my team in damage control.

From T rack to rack we attack like soldiers, righting what was wronged. We are soldiers in an endless war.....

I have never said that I wasnt a drama queen, nor have I ever said that I didnt have an active imagination, but all kidding aside, the sitaution may have been a dramatization, but the events are still the same.

Recently, I started my second job in retail, though I have worked retail before, it never fails to amaze me how draining it can be. Just last evening me and my team of two spent 3 1/2 hours working on half the store that was demolished after a shopping day.

I am absolutely astonished about the absolute disregard for store merchandise by shoppers. "Didnt your mama teach you any damn manners!" dont touch the crap if your not going to buy it and if its not your size, find the one you want and just take that, dont flip the whole stack to find your size, YOU DAMN HEATHEN!

ok, ok, my bout of anger is over....kinda

But even in this jumbled up mess I never forget my end goal, this endless work is a means to end. As I continue to build up my hours I also build up my green, money that is, which brings me close to a Uhaul that brings me closer to pulling out of this black hole of town and on to the next chapter in my life. There is a method to the madness.

Putting on a happy face and sucking up this endless drivel will not last forever and I have to keep my head at where my goal is.

God never fails to amaze me how good he is and how he has blessed me with this oppurtunity and I will not yet look a gift horse in the face!

I am blessed and highly favored an will not let this go to waste.

Keep your heads up and heart to God!

Dreams make Life Tolerable

Life has a this tendency to become...predictable. It is so easy for people to become complacent and comfortable in life. Getting wrapped up into mediocrity.

At some point in time we all had dreams to be something, do something, see something, somehow so many people lose track of that. They get sucked into the day to day, the routine of life that they forget the hopes and dreams they once coveted.

How is it that when we are young its so easy to dream big dreams, and hope big hopes, but as years pass by we begin to think them impossible.

Having dreams is what makes life tolerable...I heard this quote on TV and just couldnt believe how much it rang true.

I realize more than ever now, how much I want to go out and chase the dreams that I know will awaken me from this life in slumber.

For those of you who know me, I have recently taken on a second job (hence the delay in blog, i apologize). Why? because, i feel that I have this uncontrollable drive to get out.......get out of this sleepy town, see the world and experience the things that at one point in my life i promised myself I would do. November I start my first trek and that is going to Baltimore for a week. after that....that plan is semi unclear but as the gears in my head turn, i feel myself being pulled to do that things that at one point time were the driving force of my life.

I refuse to let fear hold me back any longer....tomorrow is never promised and we have to live for today, and I for one am going to begin living!

better late then never!

Home Invaders

Nothing ruins the quiet serenity of small town suburbia then the consistent droning of HOME INVADERS.

To our must utmost dismay our home has now become a dwelling for winged spawn of Satan!

Imagine for a moment will you? Your pulling on your garden gloves, pushing the good ole lawn cutter and are coasting along to a perfectly cut lawn. When all of a sudden, the skies turn gray, and a ominous cloud surrounds you, Pain ripples through a section of your back. You spin searching for the source when POW!!! your hit in the neck, then the leg, then the thigh. You run, but there is no escape, your hit two more time in the buttocks. You trip over a lawn gnome and get tangled in the garden hose, Oh Jesus your disabled and vulnerable. Then...then you look into the face of your attacker! He's small, beady eyed and stripped. a wasp...no not A wasp, a HORDE of wasps...your a goner.

OK OK, so this is a dramatization of actual events, names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent...or something like that

But needless to say we have had some unwanted visitors.

I unfornatly got to meet these "special guests" today.

As I came home from work and innocently was walking toward the front door. I was so close to the "safe zone" when all of sudden I noticed something flying around me, actually two somethings, wait...no three...WTF, i was being swarmed. All of a sudden my conversation with my mother about the wasps came rushing back to me. My fight or flight instinct instantly kicked in. (I am not much of a fighter, Im a lover actually...wink wink....) and I sprinted for the door, In my blind terror I was none to graceful in my escape.

I scrambled for the door and in the process got my foot caught,, I fell through the front door, with skin missing from my shin and fell over my toy poodle....

It wasnt a pretty sight and im pretty sure my shin looks like lunch meat...yea I have braved to look at it.

After this evenings "festivities" I am 110% sure that bugs are on a mission to take out the human race one bumbling idiot at a time.

What these winged hellions arent aware of is that they will soon be homeless and possible wingless when I am done, AHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHHEHEHHEHEHAHHHAHHAHA....

Blood, Sweat and....Ok maybe not blood, but sweat for sure

So I wouldnt actually come out and say that I am health nut. I am definetely not a "salad eating chick" for sure. But if any of you know me, which most dont so....yea anyway, You will know that for the last 8mnths I have been working hard at becoming healthy.

I believe in everyone's life they go through a self realization that maybe its time to change themselves for the better. Well I can say that kind of happend for me, however my self realizating moment happend in a doctors office. Doc says "Jen, either lose weight or be diabetic"...hmmmm I think ill go with the lose weight, please and thank you.

So began my "battle" of the bulge.

Its been a uphill battle all the way, but I can say that I am very proud of the results. With a combo of Kickboxing, Zumba and Weight training,to date, I have dropped 4 pant sizes and over 27lbs. I cant say I am anywhere close to my end goal weight, but I am Leaps and Bounds away from hypertension and diabetes.

I realize now that God only gives you one life to live and how you live it is up to you.

LIVE HEALTHY, LIVE HAPPY!

Sometimes We can pretend...can't we?

To say this weekend was an eye opener is an understatement....

I decided to visit my cousin Micah at college, which isnt anything out of the ordinary, she told me about a frat party she wanted me to attend with her. A dance party to be exact.

I had some general reservations about it because A) its a frat party B) am I WAY to old to be going to a frat party?

I felt like if I went would this age alert go off as soon as I walked through the door. Like campus police would come and drag me out. Or at the door would the ask for my ID and say "geez grandma, why dont you go back to the nursing home!".

LOL I know I can be such a drama queen, but thats exactly how I felt.

I actually made it a point to shop for an outfit that would make me look like i was "hip".

HOW SAD IS THAT!!!?

So I finally decide to go, pack for a weekend of the unexpected.

Thinking that I have successfully put together just the right outfit.....................

We hyped ourselves up all day for this party, the excitment was sooo high for it.

My nerves were on edge the whole time getting ready!

Finally it was time to go to the party...i think my palms were actually sweating.

I just kept my head up and turned up my "pretty girl swag" LMAO and strutted my happy ass in there. Just kept on like I was supposed to be there.

Turned out, I really didnt have much to worry about. The party was poppin for sure!

The Sigmas did the party right, with a great DJ leadin the way we all stepped and dropped it like it was hot...(I sound like a retard just typing this) lol

But by 2 am, reality hit me, MAYBE just MAYBE I AM tooo old for this.

I parked my happy ass in a chair because i was exhausted.

my abs hurt and my feet were out of my heels with a quickness.

How did these kids make it till 4am???

All I could think about was bed and my pajamas....I even had someone come up and ask "What? cant hang?"....LAME!!!

Eventually we made it back to the dorm, I climbed the ladder to crawl into the dorm bed that i'd be spending the night in. I thought I would immediatly pass out into a exhaustion induced coma...but sleep didnt come instantly.

Laying in that bed thoughts came crashing on me. Laying in that dorm bed it made realize how much this was the life i missed out on. So many years ago, i could have had these same experiences. College was a big regret for me in life, I had the oppurtunity to go and I chose not to. I know in life you should never have regrets, but this was mine.

I feel like this void in my life was because of the stupid decisions I had made.

Laying in that bed also made me realize though, that try as we might, we can grasp and reach for the things we SHOULD have done or WOULD have had, but why not look at what we DO have and HAVE done. I can live life in regret, or I can live life in the now.

Ill go with that. Ill leave the college memories for my cousin to share with me when she comes home for holidays. and I live my adult life not trying to be 22 to again, but Im 27 now!

Enchiladas and Touchdowns

There are just nights that I would call complete bliss.

Last night would have been one of them. I can say that it was amazing and relaxing.

This is how the night went.

First thing was I got out of the gym came home, and soaked in a hot shower (AMAZING!!!)

I truly feel that nothing sets you right again then a hot shower.

Next was my super comfy scotty dog JAMMY pants (yea i said jammy).

I then proceeded to help my mother make home made chicken enchiladas. With my amazing enchilada rolling skills, they came out amazing. I dont really know what my mom meant when she called them a "hot mess" but im assuming she was marveling at my fantastic technique!!!

After baking our ENCH's for 20 minutes, my mom, dad and I call hunkered down for some BOOB TUBE. and by boob tube I mean, the NEW ORLEANS SAINTS vs the vikings (puke) game.

There are the times I am going to miss when i do finally move away, I love my parents so much and we are so very close. These little moments are what I live for.

All in all the night was awesome and I would trade it for anything!

Quote of the Day

"A Bird doesn't sing Because it has an Answer, It sings because it has a Song"

Free at last, Lord, Sweet Lord, I'm Free at last

I have finally been released from my prison, set free from the chains of bondage......the rein of terror is over!!!!


Am I dramatic??.....never

I have finally escaped the torture of Cookie Hell.....

Now I can already see the looks on all of your blog reading faces. The eyebrow crooked high,WTF look, yea I know it well.

But none of you have any idea what kind of trauma I've been through....I'm not sure I will recover.
For the last 48 hours I have almost set myself into a cookie induced coma.

How did this happen? let me explain.

It all started with one school related fundraiser and one HENIOUS bucket of chocolate chip cookie dough.
Sounds innocent enough right!?? WRONG! your all DEAD wrong.

Two Dozens delicously prefabricated cookies later, I was one cookie jar short of death.
I've never been much of a sweets eater. I'm more of a fried chicken and hot sauce kinda girl (keep the damn stereotypes to yourself).
But one single trip to the cookie jar sealed my fate.

once i took a bite of that deliciously, sweet, savory, buttery, chocolatey deliciousness..I was lost. How does a cookie baked 48hrs ago stay so soft and moist, yet have a slight crispness to it?

How do cookies taste like heaven encompassed into this amazing little morsel.

There was no stopping me, believe me I tried, but what was the use in fighting an urge that couldnt be controlled.

One empty cookie jar later.....I paid the price...slowly dipping in and out of cookie conciousness....I am not sure if I remembered the hospital trip, nor do I remember them pumping my stomach....all i remember was chocolate chip after taste.......



ok ok.....so I never went to the hospital, nor did I go into a coma. BUT I did eat 30+ cookies.
Am I proud??? no, but am I satisfied? YOU BET YOUR ASS!!!!

Quote of the Day

"Sometimes You have to Stand alone to Prove you can Still Stand"

Fork in the Road

At some point in time, we all have to make hard, and possibly scary decisions in life. I personally feel that's what keeps you feeling alive.
I am at that point right now now, I am a fork in the road of life, at the Crux of life change decision, I am standing at the precipice (ahhahahahah i love that word) of change......

I have to decide to move or not to move....(yea sorry this couldn't have been more exciting, BUT it is for me) DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!

I have juggled with this decision for quite a while now. To stay or to go. You would think it would be an easy enough decision, but its one I cant help but battle with.

I've come to point where this sleepy little town holds nothing for me, yet the thought of living in a town that is completely new, excites and scares me.

I am now inclined to just jump both feet first into the move. I just found a room share where someone is looking for a roommate (again another scary situation) and know that I could work my job here in town and drive back and forth until i find a job in the other town.

there are so many decisions floating around in my head and to try and sort through them is....mind boggling to say the least.

Input, I need input, please my fellow bloggers.....what would you do!?

Quote of the Day

"When life pushes you to
the end of your rope, Tie a knot and Hang on!"

Human Hibernation....?

ZZZZZ...zzzz..ZZZZZZZ

This has been the culmination of my Labor Day weekend. Sad?.....I know!

I am not exactly sure how this happend but I cant say that I am mad that it happend. This was purely by choice. Yes, I chose to sleep my WHOLE weekend away.

It seemed like all I wanted to do is curl up in my bed, laptop in one hand, remote in the other and just...Hibernate.

It might be the change in weather, here in kansas the tempature has slowly been lowering and at nights its been 60 to 50's. Maybe my body sense's the impending fall and has now gone into hibernation mode.

I wonder if there is a study on human hibernation.........

OH LOOK I FOUND ONE!

Reaseachers ask-Can humans hibernate?

http://http//www.spiegel.de/international/spiegel/0,1518,393746,00.html

perhaps I may not be hybernating but I wont lie, this sleep thing has been good. I think all these weeks of skimping on my sleep has finally caught up to me. I wont lie, I feel rejuvinated and refreshed......to start another week of work. LAME

Oh well...its a four day work week that will lead me to another weekend of lack there of sleep, hence restarting the sleep deprevation cycle. RINSE AND REPEAT

There's always a ScapeGoat

Regardless of any bad situation, there will always be a scapegoat.

Sadly in our society we are always looking for someone to blame.

where is this coming from? you ask?

I have recently been victim to becoming the dreaded scapegoat in a silly drama filled situation that I, IN NO WAY, feel like explaining because it would only lead to a incurable case of carpal tunnel and rigamortis of my fingers typing the incredibly long, incredibly ridiculous situation via blog. Just know that we are all better for it by me not typing this out and just knowing that the end result is me being the scapegoat.

Now down to the meat of this blog. How it feels to be one.

It has to be the most maddening and yet helpless feeling in the world.

Your are not only infuriated by the fact someone has dumped their emotional baggage onto you and made you out to be a villain in a situation but your now helpless to defend yourself.

Because we all know, once you try to defend yourself, it only solidifies all the erroneous things that person was saying about you.

LE SIGH...it truly is a lose, lose situation.

I find myself becoming the scapegoat in a lot of situations, which brings me to the crazy thought that is there maybe something about myself that would cause this to happen.

Of course the most human reaction would be to do a little self reflection. But I refuse, this time, to allow this to make me question the person that I am. I will not apologize for someone else's insecurities.

When it comes to situations like this, it just better to just let things blow over, assess the relationships in question and stick to my guns.

Or I can put on my big kid pants and do what every other angry, fury driven person does in the 2010 age.....hit the "unfriend" button via facebook....thats right kids get 'em where it hurts. Their facebook wall.

AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA...im so evil....................or something like that :) Nite blog world

How cute!

Yes, I am crawling into the house at 4:00am and dont any of you judge me for it!

LOL

I had a great time tonight hanging in the typical trio, Kathy, Emily and Jen. My best friends never fail to give me a reason to laugh extremely hard and forget about what a hellish week I had.

Tonight we had BLT and Soup Night, it was awesome. We brainstormed this awesome idea while jogging, which went really well by the way. We hit the store and then also made a quick stop at the liquor store so that we could pick up some "adult beverages". If any of you know me, I am a wine freak.

After cooking we all sat down for a great dinner, and then headed outside to enjoy this beautiful Kansas weather. Might as well enjoy it now, because who knows how long it will last!

About 3hrs in to us all hanging, with the addition of Michelle and Chris, I receive a call from my beloved cousin Micah. Apparently she was just a messenger for one of her guy friends who just had to pass along the message that he thought I was "cute as hell" LMAO. Which proceeded with him snatching the phone and gushing about how he thought I was "beautiful" and had an "amazing smile" (yes I'm a quotation whore).

I thought it was cute, even though this guy is 8 years younger than me, it was refreshing to hear that I wasnt "sexy" or "fucking hot", that I was just beautiful and i had a nice smile. I think those are better compliments than sexy ever will be.

I think more guys should follow this example. Sometimes girls just want to hear something different, unique, sweet and genuine.

Even though I now have a text stalker, its nice to know he is harmless and nice! I can play cougar for a while HAHHAHAHA

Night blogger world

Ready, Set, Go!!!

Today is the start of my 3 day Labor Day weekend. You know, weekends like this used to mean something. I think I could remember quickly running out of double doors, back pack flopping around on my back as I scurried to my pea green Dodge Neon so I could get as far away from school as possible.

Yea....its not like that so much now....I find myself now sitting infront of this computer, typing this blog eyeballing my running shoes and the clock. At 5 oclock me and my dynamic duo are going running.......RUNNING....RUNNING NO LESS!! lol

But hey thats life, I am sure eventually we end up back home, possible alcoholic beverages, youtube funnies and endless laughter, but until then its...running!

To be honest though, I am so content with the small little things in life, I could truly have nothing, be alone. But....Im not, have awesome friends, awesome family and life is....good. I dont

have everything, but i have....enough.

I dont know what I will get into this weekend. what kind of crazy things ill blog about later, but im satisfied knowing that happiness is surely around the corner.

Lets Try this Again

Wow.....its been a while.

I always say that I am going to try and become a dedicated blogger, but for some reason...it never actually come to fruition. For once, I think I am finally at a point where I can actually dedicate myself to this.

I really feel that if I put my all into blogging, it really will become one of my favorite things to do....so here is my attempt at dedication.

so....my first offical dedicated blog goes a little like this........I GIVE UP ON MEN!

Thats right, I said it!........

I can already hear the pre-empt whatever's but I am SOOO serious...I hope.

I guess you can say I am at the end of my rope. For those of you who know me, and since I only have 3 followers right now, that would mean..you know me. I have been divorced for 2 years now. Wow, how time passes..............But I cant believe how much an emotional journey I have already been on. So many boys, way too much wasted time.

I understand now why women become so bitter or desperate to find "THE ONE". Because your searching for that ONE guy that isnt like the rest of these shit bricks out here. The one guy who for once will see things just a little bit differently, do things a little bit differently. Its like...finding a needle in a haystack..le sigh.

So....my action plan now...is to not have one at all. Ill throw my chips up and have them fall as they may. My hope? is to find someone who will, like me, put out what is put in.

PRINCE CHARMING...i dare you to show up.

until then, ill be waiting, living life. The door is open my friend, please come in, shut it behind you, and please....take your shoes off, i just vaccumed!