Happy

"Happy"

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

I just wanna be happy

Ready to Love

"Ready For Love"

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect's the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of
My voice
My Eyes
My soul
My mind

Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

Cruel, Cruel Summer

I've lived in Kansas for pretty much 85% of my life. Truly not much surprises me about the things that happen in this state. Now from what every Kansan knows, our weather is pretty freaking ridiculous....from intense rain, flooding, drought, famine, Tsunami's and earthquakes (total dramatization). However for once I am just flabbergasted, YEA flabbergasted by the severity of the weather right now.

If you live in Kansas right now, you would know that we are suffering from an intense heat wave. It already gets pretty hot and spicy in Kansas during the summers where we see record highs of 103+ degrees, but this summer has really taken the cake!

Today the high was 113 degrees...what the hell is that!? 113 degrees! that's like walking outside to instant death.

In a normal Kansas summer by the time evening sets in, your down to semi comfortable temperatures where you can enjoy low 80's, possibly 70's. Right now it is about 9:30pm and my temperature gauge says 94 degrees............my poor poor electric bill. PLEASE PLEASE lets not talk about how Westar is probably giggling in their fanny packs right now, loving every AC sucking moment of this heat wave.

I am literally fearing to check the mail, last month my bill was 50.00 dollars, I am expecting to take that by 4 Times on this bill. UGH murder me!

It truly is a cruel summer!

~*Much Love My Bloggers*~ (and stay cool)

Dear Reality, Go away!

Today has been......a hard day, just putting it lightly. It has been just a really hard, stressful, emotionally draining day.

While sitting at work taking mentally straining phone calls, trying to remember how surgical procedures are covered and trying to figure out if Dr. Jones is a network provider, my mind was miles away. My mind was many, many miles away with my father. Today my daddy was having a surgery, today my father laid on table, while under anesthesia being medically altered by a doctor. During this time there was the ever present possibility that he may never wake up...though small the possibility was, it was possible.

My mind could not let go of that one simple fact, that in one simple instance there could have been a possibility I would never see my father again. Just typing this makes me tear up.

It was too much of a reality that life really truly could change in one little moment.

If anyone knows me and my fathers relationship, its quirky and strange but in the end it works for us. I love my father more that anyone in this world, he has always been there for me, always that consistent figure in my life. Through all the best moments of my life, my daddy has been there. The thought that he may not be there (or live forever, cause he will) fills me with a dread I cant quite explain.

My father is now home recovering and likely to make a full recovery, but the fact remains that eventually at some point in time I will have to face the moment when my dad may get sick or old or sick and old....whatever it maybe, it may be something he will not recover from and Daddy's little girl will have to stand by and watch..that helpless moment.

Until that moment comes, Ill enjoy having my dad every moment I can, making fun of his silly ways and arguing with his ridiculous ideas...Because in reality I wouldn't trade my father for anyone else in the world.

~*Much Love my Bloggers*~

And I'm back in the game!

Too many of you know the many horrific stories I have of dating, we know of the crazy roller coaster I have been on. Its been on fun ride for sure!
Ive been in Topeka now for almost 8 months and though the dating scene has been a little bit different from Salina, I still find that though there are plenty of fish (hehe like that reference) out there, MOST are not keepers!

Recently I had taken a break from dating, pleading off emotionally committing myself to anyone for while. It was just becoming to much for me, I think it takes a big person to be able to step back and recognize when you just need to get out of the game for while.
I took that time to really devote to pouring myself back into work and pulling myself back to my center. Finding that emotional easy medium.
After that relaxing, well i guess it wasn't all that relaxing (if you call working 67 hour weeks relaxing), time of reflection I feel that I am ready to tackle the beast of dating again.
I feel refreshed and back to center again.

SO with that said, lately it has been hit and miss with a few guys that I had been talking to. I have utilized what I like to call the band aid method into dating now. If I really truly feel like the situation isn't going to work with a guy, instead of just letting it slowly dwindle off, like a band aid that needs to come off, I just rip it off, or end the situation quickly, no delays.....it is better this way. Whats the point of wasting each others time.

So on the note of dating I would like to share a VERY recent dating experience. And when I say recent, I mean last night!
(Names will presently be changed to protect the innocent)
We shall call him CARL for now.
Carl and I had met on line and after a few days of chatting, we decided that we should go on a date. After setting the date and time, we decided on a delicious date to Ruby Tues...Red Robin (Carl would have got that joke, sorry I'm leaving all of you out of that joke).
To say I was nervous was an understatement (as some of you know I also have social anxiety), I literally was shaking as I was doing my hair and make up. Carl and I had had some great conversation prior to the date so I really wanted the date to go well.
Question: Is it bad when you pray prior to date? Never mind
I got to Red Robin first and got the table and waited.....anxiety can be such a bitch. Carl finally arrived and I was pleasantly surprised. He looked just like he did in his pictures, actually he was taller that I thought he would be, BIG BROWNIE POINTS.
You could tell that both of us were nervous, and I know if my bestie Kathy was there, she would have punched me in the head for chattering and blabbering on like I was. I really must have been annoying.
Dinner went so well though, the conversation flowed really well, so well I took two bites of my burger and ate like 5 fries....(i cant believe I didn't eat that damn delicious burger).
As the dinner progressed I knew I wanted the night to continue so I offered to take Carl to the movies. He agreed (yay) and we proceeded to see Transformers 3 in 3D, which if you any of you haven't seen it, you should, it is AMAZING!. we had a great time in the movies too, making idle comments of things that were happening, giggling (ok i was giggling) at funny things we would say...AND he held my hand...HEHHEHEHHEHEHEH (ok yes, more giggles).
After the LONG movie, it turned out to be a gorgeous night so we headed over to a local park, we swung, I almost vomited on the merry go round, and then we found a picnic table. We sat under the stars with the nice night breeze going. It was gorgeous in the night...UNTIL....the hippies showed up!!!
WTF right!!!?
yea you heard me, Hippies...Carl and I were lounging in the dark, when all of sudden to two hippie people came walking up to us in the dark. I was so wigged out, cause in Topeka, I was sure they were coming to murder us. They introduced themselves, shook our hands and idle meandered back to the park. They swung on the swings right next to us...almost as if they were watching us.
The whole situation was so.....unreal, I just couldn't believe it. PEOPLE I SWEAR.

After hanging out in the park, for hours, Carl and I decided to end the night. We left the park...and the Hippies. We decided that date #2 was in order.
All in All the date was a 9 out of 10, probably one of the best dates Ive had in a really, really long time. I look forward to seeing Carl again and when I do, you guys can bet Ill be blogging about it.

~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

Lets Try this Again

OK Kids,
It would be easy today for me to post a blog that apologizes for me not posting a blog for almost two months. But guess what? I am not going to do that, I am fully aware that I have shirked my blog posting duties and YES many things have happened, but rather than play catch up and bring you guys up to speed, I am just going to start posting from where things are currently in my life and hopefully I can fill the holes in later.

I will add though I have missed writing blogs so much. I didn't realize how much I would miss filling these pages with the crazy events of my life.

So here we go again my faithful blog readers. Its my life as we know it and love it!

~*Much Love my Bloggers*~

Gravity

*to you

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...

Puppy Update

Today the puppies are 3 1/2 weeks old. Which in relation to human age would make then 1 1/2 year olds. This all equals out to them being super whiny, hungry and get into everything on shaky wobbly legs.

Bless their little hearts, I love them, I really do, HOWEVER...I CANT WAIT FOR THEIR LITTLE ASSES TO BE GONE!!!!!

(sorry for the caps but its that deep!)

Its been amazing watching my babies grow up but I cant wait to see them go on to their new homes. 2 1/2 more weeks that's all I keep telling myself.

It will be crazy having just Saydee and Oakley in the house. I can almost say that it will be weird having it so quiet.

The babies are cutting teeth and trying to eat solid food. Trying being the operative word, I have tried Solid food, semi solid food and then canned puppy food. At this point, the canned puppy food is what they like, which i think it was a given.

I will keep you all updated on the progress of my babies and pictures.

~*Much Love my Bloggers*~

Surviving the Storm

The fact that I live in tornado alley has never really bothered me. I have had some pretty darn close calls when it comes to tornado's. Yesterday I can add that to my list of close calls.

The day started out like any other day, the weather looked....normal in all aspects. I had to work at Macy's so I was pretty sad that I would not be able to go out and enjoy the gorgeous weather and the carnival that was in town.
By the time I got off of work I was pretty pooped, at that point, they sky was ominous...yea I used Ominous. There really isn't any other word to explain the sky. You could see the the wall clouds moving in and the radio was screeching something about golf ball sized hail. I stopped by Platos closet really quick, grabbed my items and got my arse home.

1 block away from home, I thought "i refuse to let rain ruin my night", so i decided to go to walmart. Not even 15 minutes into my shopping venture, the hail began, and I don't mean baby hail, I mean HOLY SHIT hail. Amongst all the hail sounds I hear the tornado sirens, I heard them just in time for the walmart worker to come running into my aisle and direct me toward the back of the store. All i could think was, come on people its a normal tornado warning, I was wrong. Sure as shit there was a tornado on the ground.

After 2 Long hot hours and one cranky Jina later, I was able to leave walmart. 7 tornado's touched down in Kansas last night. A real night of the twisters.

WELCOME TO TORNADO ALLEY is what the sign to Kansas should say

I really wish my old storm chasing buddy could have been there with me last night

~* Much Love my Bloggers*~

Better late than never...right?

So.........................................

as the title of this blog post says, its better late the never. I haven't posted since the beginning of this month because it truly has been one heck of a month. SOOOOO many things have happened and I apologize but I am not going to try and jam pack them into one blog, nor am I going to post 40 posts explaining everything. Lets just chalk this lost time for a loss and keep on going from where I left off.
HOWEVER...
I will give you an update on a huge event that happened.

Saydee ended up giving birth!

She gave birth to 9 Beautiful puppies. Here i thought that I could expect only 4-5. Leave it to my dog to have me fooled.
As much as I have enjoyed the puppies being here, I will not lie that I am ready for them to leave.

I will tell you at the time of this post the puppies are officially 18 days old.

They have come a long way from day one. the puppies have opened and they are walking. Today I discovered that some of them are cutting teeth as well, which is awesome because next week I can start them on solid food. Saydee has had a hard time keeping up with all nine babies so them eating solid foods will be a God send.

I ended up with 5 Boys, 4 girls. I thought that if I was lucky I would get one rare sealed reverse brindle puppy, but crazy enough half the litter ended up this way!

At the time of this post I have also found homes for all but 1 puppy.

June 10th will be placement day for all the babies into their new homes. Some of my babies actually aren't even staying here in Kansas, 2 babies are going to Colorado and 1 is going to Ohio, what cute little travelers they are. After much debate and thinking, I finally decided to keep one of the puppies as well. One of the puppies ended up looking identical to Saydee, I was shocked since i figured that most of the would look like her. So now Saydee son will stay with us. Our little Oakley!

Ill try and document his growth as much as possible as well.
If you are all wondering why it has been so hard for me to keep up with blogging, ill be honest, I have gotten a second job, I am now officially a slave to Macy's as well. That plus the puppies, plus training for my first 1k/5k, and a rapidly growing social calendar, life has been hard to keep up with. Also after my puppies are gone, I am enrolling for the fall semester in college. I wish i could thank Saydee so much for that, her puppies are helping me afford this. I am going to start with 3-6 credit hours which will be two classes. I do not want to take on more than I can handle.

I will try to add more and more to the upcoming posts, there has just been alot that has happened and I apologize again for not including you all in the mix.

~*Much love my bloggers*~

Any Day Now

**SAYDEE PREGNANCY UPDATE**

So I am 100% sure that these puppies will be the death of me! and NO I am not being over dramatic (yes I am). I have been patiently waiting for the last two months for the arrival of these puppies. I have a genuine fear that these babies will arrive when I am not home to help with the birth.

My hopes were that Saydee would give birth this weekend, especially since I have weekends off. But to my disappointment that has not been the case. We actually had a false alarm Friday night, Saydee went into a false labor Friday night at about 12:00am, she was panting and contracting, the whole dog and pony show. But about 5am everything just stopped and she resumed life as normal. WHAT A LET DOWN!
So to date, I am back at the waiting game. I have this image in my head where Saydee's puppies are inside her belly plotting against me. They plan to stay in the safety of the womb forever......LE SIGH.
I will keep you all updated as things continue, but as I've stated before, it could be any day now...
~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

Getting my feet wet

I've said it a few times in previous posts, but I have discussed how hard it has been converting from a town I lived in for 15 years full of friends, social life and family to moving to a town where I knew absolutely no one. I was well aware that it would take some time to really establish relationships. I guess I was really afraid this loneliness would last forever.

However the longer I live here, the better it gets. Navigating the city isn't hard at all anymore. I have gotten my bearings and figured the fast ways to get places. I have also started obtaining a "social life", my world not longer coincides within the walls of my apartment.
Just last night I had a great night over at a coworkers house. Several of my coworkers showed up and we proceeded to have a night of bbqing and drinks by the chiminea. It was a great night of laughing, story telling and stress relief. It felt so good to get back into conversation and having people to talk to.


I am hoping that the longer and longer I am here I can eventually call some of these people good friends. It never fails to amaze me the great people you meet in life.....

In this moment I just feel so alive :)

~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

Me and My big mouth

Sometimes I just think to myself...Jen, you just need to keep your big mouth shut!

While in training the other day, My co-worker and I were chatting about nothing and everything. For some reason the conversation lead over to car accidents and how long ago it had been since we had ever been in one. Unfortunately for my co-worker she had been victim to one not so long ago that caused major damage to many of her lower vertebrae, but thankfully she is still recovering from that and made it through alive. This leads to my utterly stupid response "oh, its been YEARS since I've been in a car accident (this does not count the reversing into another car issue I had one night in aggieville, there was no damage and it was a baby tap, don't judge me!) and I'm hoping it keeps going that way"......

That was it, no "KNOCK on WOOD" no, "God willing", my stupid idiot self just left it at that, with that bad JU JU just floating in the air, ready to wheeled out its damage.

So I leave work with my usual carefree attitude, without a care in the world. It was typical 5:00 traffic in a construction zone. Streets were congested and I was sitting in a long line of cars at a red light. The light turns green and the car in front of me pulls off and just as I am about to accelerate, BOOOOOM!!!! right from the rear I get hit......................

Coincidence, I THINK NOT!!! That bad JU JU followed right into 5:00 traffic.

This ended up being a three car accident with me at the forefront of the line. Though I was not at fault for any of it, I still felt anger to the very tips of my toes.

Come to find out, everyone involved worked at the same place. How the HELL can I get mad when everyone involved is a damn coworker....le sigh, let me simmer.

After exchanging information, waiting 20 minutes for the cops (lucky no one was dying!) and a battle with my insurance company, I was on my way home a little worse for wear.

This story is just a prime example that you should just keep your mouth shut when it comes to piping off on the last time something happened to you and make sure you Knock on some damn wood!

~*Much Love my Bloggers*~

The Forbidden Fruit....

Living in the city has brought on some fun and interesting life experiences. I guess you can say that maybe my mindset is starting to alter a bit. Meeting new people has begun to open up a new world to me.

So dating in the city has been an interesting trek, it has had its up and downs, but overall interesting is the only word I can attach to it.

I had many rules that I had set for myself when it came to dating, guidelines that I sort of followed. But I think that that held me back. It kept me from truly being able to truly enjoy the world of dating because I held it to some kind of standard. Now I'm saying that I have lowered my expectations nor have I changed my standard as in changing what I expect from my partners. BUT what I have done is broadened my horizons so's to speak.

One of my most highest on high rules has been that I shall not date or engage in "activities" with younger men. I always felt like it was going back on the intellectual scale.

Now, I know that sounds harsh, but as all us women know, men only get better with age......OR so I thought.

Keep in mind, that I still hold the mentality that when it comes to having a relationship, an older man is really the way to go. BUT to truly regain your fun, enthusiastic love life, you really have to dabble back in the age. Lets face it, these kids know how to have fun!

(I know that this blog either makes me sound old or a pedophile, but just let me tell my damn story).

I recently have snagged me one of these younger man species and believe me I was skeptical at first BUT I will hand it to him, He had the spunk, the fire and the eager to please attitude I wish half of the men older than him had. Now I know what the storyline meant truly in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". Even though this gentleman was only 7 years my Junior, it felt good to know that I was able to hook line and sink a younger man.

Eventually ill meander back to my age bracket, but for now....ill have my fun :) hahahaha

~* Much Love my Bloggers*~

Puppy Predictions

I know it seems like I have been apologizing alot for not posting blogs but....I apologize for not posting blogs, alot has been going on and its been tough keeping up with the Jonses.

This blog is actually going to be dedicated to my puppy predictions.
Thats right kids, It has been confirmed that Saydee is in deed pregnant. What brought me to this conclusion...what I would say it was the over grown dog belly, or perhaps the giant dog teets, or maybe the nesting that has been taking place.

We are offically into Day 50 of the 64-69 day Pregnancy, time flies when your having...fun?

I honestly have no idea what size to expect, its either going to be a big litter with regular size puppies or a small litter with large puppies. So many possibilities.

The colors are also the biggest mystery. I have posted below pictures of the colors of dad and a picture of Saydee and then below what my litter color predictions are, we will compare later to see if my predictions were correct.
Dad














Saydee

Puppy Predictions

These three little guys are pretty much my guesstament on what Saydees babys should look like, im hoping!

I will, fortunately, be taking a week off in May so that I can literally sit at home and wait for Saydee to go into labor. She has her baby pool nesting area set up, fully equipped with heating pad and blankets.

Its so interesting to be able to watch Saydees belly and actually see the babies move, creepy, but cool.

again, i will keep you as updated as I can with the babies impending birth and also load pictures after they are here.

*~Much Love my Bloggers~*

Who am I to say

Love of my life, my soulmate You're my best friend Part of me like breathing Now half of me is left Don't know anything at all Who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me Color me blue I'm lost in you Don't know why I'm still waiting Many moons have come and gone Don't know why I'm still searching Don't know anything at all And who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me Now you're a song I love to sing Never thought it feels so free Now I know what's meant to be And that's okay with me But who am I to say you love me And who am I to say you need me And who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me I don't know anything at all

My Mental workout

Living in Topeka has presented a few challenges to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a challenge loving girl as much as the next and I attack my challenges head on. I have found that moving to a town where you know absolutely no one presents some issues when it comes to trying to fill up your time on the weekends that you get off. Its not like I can just pick up the phone and just call someone and invite them to hang out because...I know no one. SOOOOO...with the weekends that I have, I have tried to fill them with exploring my city and all the great things it has to offer. Today I plotted my trip to the local library. No keep in mind, coming from small town salina, I didn't have high hopes for this trip, our library back at home had much to be desired. I cant say the same for the Topeka Library, to be honest the moment I walked in, I was sure I was even in a library at all, it was like walking into a museum. It had a large spiraling staircase and marble floors, gorgeous wood paneling and high, high ceilings. It was in other words "beautiful". I promptly signed up for a library card, which again, unlike salina didn't require the name of my first born child and my blood type. It took 1 minute and I was on my way to book heaven. Amongst the many many different sections of the library, there was a cafe, art gallery and a genealogy station. I spent 2 1/2 hours and walked out with 5 books (max check out was 99 books, HOLY SCHMOLIES). I have an intense love for reading, but had kind of lost touch with that. Today I found that love again....and it was good LOL. I spent the day at the park on a blanket with pseudo-preggers Saydee, Pandora radio and a great book by my favorite author Sandra Brown. I realize that I don't always have to find something new in the city, maybe just rediscovering what I already loved doing just in a new environment. ~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

He is always listening...

Sorry everyone, I know I have been slacking on my blogging duties and I refuse to make excuses...so I wont and I'll move on to typing this joyous blog. Lately I have been at a crossroads with my career, it always felt like I had stale-mated at my job and I needed something more. You know its bad that when the moment a new internal job posting comes out and your anywhere close to the qualifications you find yourself hitting the submit application button. Yea, that was me for sure. I have wanted more and moved to Topeka for the exposure to more positions. I found myself praying to God for guidance or an opportunity (and I know that that's not how God works, He doesn't just grant wishes like some Genie in a bottle). Well three days ago my two supervisors call me into a meeting room for some SUPER SECRET meeting, which just sent me into a crazy panic attack and scrounging for a box big enough to carry the crap from my desk in. Once I entered the meeting room I found two of my other co-workers in the room as well....GREAT DOWNSIZING, that's 3 of us getting voted off the island. I apprehensively entered the meeting, but soon found out the true meaning behind the meeting. We were all being promoted onto a new skill set ( I am not going to try and explain skill sets, because your heads would explode), which basically meant we all got promotions!!! I was beaming from ear to ear and I did a happy dance (and yes it was embarrassing, if any of you have seen me dance, you know why). It was as if God knew exactly what I needed and filled it, which of course He did and God always delivers. God is sooo good and I am feeling more blessed than ever. I start training in two weeks and I cant wait. I will keep you all posted as training progresses ~*Much Love my Bloggers*~

My new neighbors

For the last few weeks I have been watching my new neighbors move in. They seem like a very nice couple and they dont seem like the partying type.

They didnt have much to move in but their place looks pretty cozy...

I took some pictures of my new neighbors (creepy I know) but I wanted to introduce them to you.

I dub them Mr and Mrs Nestor....

cute right!? so i have two turtle doves that have made a nest right outside my window and across my balcony. I can literally look right into their nest.

Mr and Mrs Nestor have been creating this nest for the last couple of weeks now and now have taken permanent residence.

Well today I have confirmation as why they have taken permanent residence, they have laid their new baby egg. Its going to be hard to get a shot of the egg, but I will try to document its progress and of course its hatching. I am thinking the hatching will happen close to Saydee's puppies birth, so....TADAHH!! I'll be documenting two births!! woohoo!

Stay Tuned as I give you updates on the status of the Nestors Egg/hatchling. I cant wait till its born and starts trying to fly, HOW EXCITING!!!

ok ok, little things excite me!

~*Much Love Bloggers*~

No Clue

Pregnancy Update# 2

sorry kids I dont have much to report in way of Saydee's pregnancy.

Its all quiet on the homefront and to be honest, I cant for sure say at this point in time if she is pregnant or not still.

Though she has been sleeping alot more often, I cant say she looks different at all. I know that all the reports tell me that you wont see much physical change until the last few weeks but geesh, I just want one solid piece of evidence that lets me have some ray of hope!

I still cant take Saydee to the dog park, she is a mad dog killer type right now, seems like if she is pregnant it makes her hate all other dogs....weird

Puppy Stage:

The blastocystes will grow into an embryos.
During the next two weeks the important organs will develop.

Ill keep you all updated as things continue and I wish i had more to report but....what can we do!!?

~*Much Love Bloggers*~

Puppy Countdown:Day 7

This is the first update to Saydee's TENTATIVE* pregnancy
*by tentative, I mean Saydee's pregnancy is not confirmed yet, because I wont know for sure until week 4 or so.

I already suspect that Saydee my be with puppies because i have already noticed some odd differences. She sleeps alot more than normal, she is much more mellow and moody.
We visited the dog park today and she just happened to maul another dog....MOODY? I'd say so!
There are no visible signs yet, that wont come for at least another 4 weeks but I am crossing my fingers that she is carrying!

Here is the official calendar post for the status on the puppies

March 7th pregnancy status:

-Fertilised eggs migrate down the oviducts and into the uterine horns.
-The migration continue to enable even spacing of the embryos.
-During this migration the eggs will grow into a blastocystes

I will continue to keep you all posted and pictures will come up as she gets closer and actually has visual signs.

~*Much Love Bloggers*~

For You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a--Ng



When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS

**breaking news**

I am going to be a grandma!!!
ok ok, now we all know A) i am too damn young to have kids that would be able to have kids, B) I don't have actually have human children.
But my dog is pretty much my child! I think that qualifies enough
So...back to the breaking news!!!
I recently decided to breed my boxer because (the damn dog needs to earn her rent, KIDDING) I love my dog with all my heart and Ive been dying to have another boxer, but its always a risk getting another puppy.
After searching and searching I found an awesome couple that breed boxers and agreed to stud for me. Last Friday I ventured down to good old Ellsworth, Kansas (basically middle of nowhere) and delivered my dogs carnal treasure....I mean delivered my dog to them for the week.
Now to be honest, its been hell not having my baby around, but I knew this was a necessary evil to ensure a great litter.
Once I got to the breeders, i got to meet the future father of Saydee's babies.
Shocked is all I can say to describe my reaction to him. Border was the most gorgeous boxer I have EVER seen in my life. He is a sealed black brindle boxer (so basically black, but in the right light he is chocolate) that was just MASSIVE!!! solid muscle, huge head and sweet, gentle disposition. He was PERFECT!
I couldn't be happier with the match, saydee is brindle, which basically looks like a reverse tiger.
The puppies they could throw are endless. I am very very excited!
As of today we are in a impending countdown, it takes 63-64 days for a dog gestation, so the first week of May is the due date!
From here on out, my blog periodically becomes Saydees Puppy calendar. I will document her pregnancy, progress, birth and then PUPPYDOM!!!!!
its an exciting time for my blog, so bloggers, STAY TUNED

Drama Queen

dra·ma queen: melodramatic person: somebody who likes to make a drama out of a situation by acting in an emotional way



Ok, ok, I am well aware guys that last nights blog post was.....dramatic to say the least, BUT I am bit of a drama queen and none of you should be surprised.

I don't want you all to worry that I will become some heartless cold wench, but there are few things I plan on straightening in my life.
I am sure all of you are wondering what spawned this whole blog and I am also sure that some of you could figure it out.
Its usually guy related and lets just say (for all sensitive purposes i wont go into a lot of detail) yesterday I got the proverbial relationship kiss of death, I was dubbed the really good friend. OUCH, SHOT TO HEART!!
Though I keep my great friend, lets just say my mind set was definitely not on the friend course, but I'm going to grab my bags and head back down the trail and take the side of the road that forked down to friendville, because i must have got bad directions cause i was was definitely going toward relationshipville.....damn GPS's, good for nothing......

Soooo....here I stand at Point A, so kids, HERE WE GO AGAIN. Are all of you ready to go on another adventure with me? Ready to face the gauntlet of dating with me yet again? Well too bad, cause we are going!!

This time ill try not to put on anymore of that friend perfume that I must have been wearing for the last 3 months and remember to re-read "How to put off the Aura of Girlfriend" guide again.
And damn it, next time could you guys give me the heads up that I'm being too friend-like to these guys!

~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

Will and Testament

Today I regretfully present the Last Will and Testament for a one said Jina Williams heart.

With the passing on of said heart, it leaves behind to proceed it Jina Williams Brain. From here on out all actions of emotion will be lead by rationale thought and rationale choices, no longer led by carefree will and heartfelt misguiding.

With the passing of said heart, we close the door to the game of finding love and the door open to reality. Clouded judgement will be a thing of the pass and calculated decision making will be implemented.

The passing of Jina's Heart was quite unexpected to many but it had lost its will to fight any longer, repetitive onslaughts had weakened its state and at last was put to ill-repair.

We will all miss and remember the days when the heart was ever present. The days when we could look back when the heart guided Jina through the gauntlet called love and life. Jina's heart had been a fighter for much longer than it should have been. In the final hours of Jina's hearts life it had come to the realization that it could fight no more, the void and emptiness of the world around it left it a shell of the former state it had been. Jina's heart had a painful yet silent death.

The Estate of Jina William's will be the sole property of Jina's Brain and all assets.

Dog days of...spring?

I have found that the longer I live in Topeka, the more things I find.

So the yesterday I decided to go for a drive, I was given an address by one of my co-workers for a park made for dogs. The Bark Park to be exact, how cute is that?

well I was able to find it without incident, even though I wont lie, its not very close to my apartment.

This park is definetely worth the trip.

Saydee has been locked in this apartment for too long and when she got to the park it showed.

Well after she was mauled by the pittbull.....YEA!

Now i have no problems with pittbulls, they are actually one of my favorite breeds. HOWEVER what i do have problems with are dumb people who cant restrain their damn dogs. Saydee and I didnt even make it two seconds into the park before she was mauled. She ran around screaming for dear life while I am trying to defend her from a 70lb pittbull, at that moment i really didnt care if I got bit.

After the pittbull was restrained, we were actually able to enjoy ourselves. Saydee did really well, she enjoyed the large pack and she ran her little heart out.

we stayed out there for 2 hours and it was nice to have some really good conversation with some great people. Funny how dogs can bring people together, its almost like talking about your kids.

I guess Saydee is like my kid.

Ive now made it a point to make sure Saydee gets to the Bark Park everyday that is physically possible. She has become a whole new dog, she isnt destructive, and doent make a mess of the apartment, its great!

I say yes to the Bark Park!

~**Much Love Bloggers**~

Why I blog

I'll be honest, I am proud of my blog.
I blog with complete honesty and my feelings at the time of the Blog.
Its my matter of perspective and it helps me unleash or unload my feelings in typed words when I wouldn't normally be able to say the quite so well.
About a year ago, if someone would have said, "Jen, your going to become an avid blogger", I would have giggled in their face and moved on with my life. However now, I feel so off when I don't. To harbor all those feelings inside and not let them out is....so unnatural now.
My blog is public, anyone has access to it and I don't mind that all. I want people to see it, and I mean everyone. If I didn't want anyone in particular to read, i wouldn't post it. However, I don't want to spawn any bad feelings from my blog to anyone either. I blog about everything and everyone that happens in my life because I feel I have a story to tell. And who doesn't like a good story right?
I'm not malicious, never have been, but if anyone knows me, they know I'm honest...almost to a fault. I am an emotion driven creature....for God sake, I'm a woman.

I wont make apologies or excuses, that's not the kind of person I am. I wont cover up my feelings because they make me the very person I am.
All I can do is wake up everyday and try to be a better person than I was the day before.
Ive always said "the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter"

So thank you to those of you who accept me as I am, my faults in all, whether it be by blog or in person.
And know that my blogging will go on, as it always has, funny, quirky and sarcastically as I can make it.

~**Much Love my Bloggers**~

Valentines Day Part 2

ok kids, this is part 2 of my Valentines Day Extravaganza....or something like that


So today is the actual real Valetines day and i am really going to try hard to not ramble through this blog.
As we know from part 1, things are muddle and puddle for me.
today only made it all that more clearer for me.
Saturday in KC made me realize alot of things. I found myself back into a pattern that I dont like that I am getting on. As we all know, Ive been seeing D now for the last almost 2 months now. I was so stoked to be able to spend this weekend with him. I guess in the far corners of my mind, I was hoping upon hope that it would be the catalyst to making him realize that we should be together. But, hey why would a guy want commitment to muddy up an already sweet deal right? (what am I talking about you wonder?) well heck, what guy would want to attach commitment to a situation that works out so well in his favor. You've got girl who is into you, you can have fun together, your getting the sex but you have none of the commitment that is required when your her boyfriend....exactly, what guy would complicate that???
So there in lies the dilemma, I am jumping right back into the crazy cycle i just so desperatly tried to escape from another guy. I am not so sure how this all keeps happening to me. But like Keri Hilson said "girls we cant be mad at anyone but ourselves, sometimes us women tolerate too damn much".
ANYWAY
So today is Valentines Day and i struggled all day to not have that whole Bahumbug attitude, but by 2:30-3:00 I was pretty much there.
I was close to the end of my shift, when a maintenance guy stopped by my desk. He brought me a large brown box and pointed to the name on the box and asked " Is this you?" and i promptly stated yes, he said " good, ive got two others just like it, ill be back". Three boxes...what the freak.
after my call, ill cut the box open, only to reveal a LARGE fluffy stuff teddy bear. Moments later the maintenance man came as promised with two equally large boxes.
With my supervisors permission i logged off my computer and cut into the other boxes. What was revealed blew my mind away. two dozen lavender long stem roses, two silver vases, purple sequin hearts and notes that said " I send a kiss inside the petals of each rose.." and "you take my breath away..today and everyday"....OMG. i could have cried, however everyone who knows me knows im not much for crying in public.
Now right now, I wont reveal who they came from because its really not the point, however the point was in the pudding... This gesture this valentines day wasnt about what was sent, it was what the message said to me.
It said to me: Jina, you were worth my time and my effort. you were worth something to me. I see you and the amazing woman you are and I acknowlegdge it. After putting everyone else first above yourself, I put you first.

This valentines day made me realize one of many things. You cant buy love nor can you force it. Sometimes you have to stumble your way through it. But never lose yourself in the process.

I am more than I give myself credit for, or what others give me credit for. And I am now going to get off that cycle.
I hate how much my emotions tend to complicate things, but I cant be that girl that doesnt care. How does someone become a person with no strings attached....how do I get there?
I want to wake up and just stop feeling....maybe its better that way.......
Maybe for once ill stop feeling for people who dont feel back


~**Much Love my Bloggers**~

Valentines Day (the Weekend) part 1

Normally I would be what most people would call a Valentines Day Scrooge. For most single people this holiday is the proverbial kiss of death. HOWEVER, this Valentines Day I got the privilege of not being a Nay-Sayer to this dreaded holiday and actually got to partake in some lovey dovey festivities.
Now be forewarned, this is a two part blog and.....all that glitters is not gold!

So since this year Valentines Day just so happens to fall on a Monday, which like most people doesn't work out so well since most hard working Americans work Monday-Friday.
Instead this year, for most, Valentines Day was celebrated on Saturday or Sunday.

This year, because i have been casually dating, I got to spend the weekend with one of my daters...that makes me sound so horrible and like a floozy, but meh...fuck it. (yea i used floozy...my grandma would be proud).

We planned a night in Kansas City that would include dining out and gambling (though I'm not a fan of gambling....its the devils playground).
I got the hotel very cheap due to a gift card I had been saving and cheap hotels always freak me out, HOWEVER we must have hit the hotel jackpot because this hotel ROCKED!
Starbucks and bar built right into the lobby...someone knew me all too well!
The rooms looked like something out of a design magazine, it was just awesome.

After settling in, we met up with D's best friend and wife. (first of, lets just establish that I am not, NOT D's girlfriend, but i still get to meet his best friend and wife.....hmmm) They were super nice and I liked them right away. After MUCH..way too much deliberation we finally decided on which casino to go to and where to have dinner (keep in mind it wasn't the casino i was dying to go to and we had to plan to go to all along, but HEY i can compromise). We got to the casino and it was GORGEOUS, Ameristar, you are amazing. We had dinner at a typical sports bar, the drink special was delish. After me settling into my buzz, D and I got into a stirring conversation with a couple, and would ya know it, the guy was Priest Holmes Trainer at some point....MMMHMMMM riiiiggghhht guy. He was highly intoxicated and smelled oddly of piss (and D made it a point to point out the guys fly was undone, UNCOMFORTABLE, especially since the guy told me i was beautiful and asked for my #, while D talked to his wife!!!!).
Finally we made it to the casino. Ill just say, i probably would have been better off drinking the night away at the bar. I ended up parked in front of a slot machine, while everyone else scampered off into oblivion.
by midnight...I found myself in a drunken induced sleep state, contacts shot from all the cigarette smoke, and half falling asleep on a railing while watching people play craps...waiting...and waiting...and waiting. By 130 am, I was finally rejoined by my group that were "ready" to go. KNOW WHEN I WAS READY!!!??? 2HRS PREVIOUSLY.
however in my time in waiting i had plenty of time think, but ill save that for part 2!.

We left the casino and headed back to the hotel where I promptly did not fall asleep, though ill leave all the details out, I did get much sleep (and no its not because of what y'all nasty minds are thinking for) because the bed just didn't do it for me, 4 hours of sleep is about what I got.

I wont lie, the weekend wasn't a total bust, however, I must have just set my expectations way to high. I was thinking about this unbelievably romantic weekend, the kind that you could come home bragging to your friends about....but it left me more confused then ever.
Nothing is ever easy my bloggers

~**Much Love, Bloggers**~

I Look to You

Hello February

So January is offically OUTTA HERE, and so we begin with February.

I always tend to struggle at the beginning of a new year because I think too hard about the year to come. All the things I want to accomplish and how to do it in the measly 12 months I have to do it in. 12 months may seem like a long time but in essence...its not.

Even as we sit today we have exactly 321 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, 48 sec, 47, 46, 45...till Christmas. Dang! should I make my list already....le sigh.

But let me stop and because try as we might to grasp the magnitude of all the responsibilities that lie ahead for the new year, we cant help but stop and think...man are we lucky to be blessed to see another year.

This new year, I am going to try and stop worrying about what needs to get done in the future and just worry about what I need to get done today, because tomorrow, for sure, is never garunteed.

I am happy knowing that in 2 hours I need to make a sandwich, fold laundry and possibly take the dog out because Ill beat her if she pee's on my floor. Ill worry about the rest later :)

**~Much Love my bloggers~**

Day 30 Blog Fest

Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

1) I was able to share a little bit of myself with the rest of the world

2) I moved to another Town

3) I learned alot about myself

4) Got the Best dog in the world!

5) Found that there more important things than work, like going home and seeing my family

Day 29 Blog Fest

Day 29: 3 Wishes

I am sure when people post a blog for this it would be full of worldy items, I am sure money, cars and homes would be high the 3 wishes list. But for me, my wishes are just a little different.

Wish #1 To be Stress Free

This would be a hard wish to grant, but to live stress free would be amazing. To wake up everyday, free to think of whatever came to mind and not all those troubling stresses that normally come rushing to mind

Wish #2) Prince Charming

Ok, so this is a completely selfish wish right here, but I cant help but want what I am sure every other girl wants, The Perfect Man. My wish would be first that he exsists and that he would be mine. Le sigh, a girl can dream cant she?

Wish #3) Peace of MindThis is sorta like my first wish, but its more along the lines of finding Peace within myself, to be ok with myself and life. I find myself being restless on way to many occassion. My mom would say its because im a busy body, and maybe thats true, but I just want a little...Peace.

Day 28 Blog Fest

Day 28: Something that Stresses you out

To be honest, there are many things that stress me out. Money, work, life, Boys (when are they not) But i honestly would have to say I am my worse stressor. I worry about...everything, most things are out of my hands to be honest, but I worry about them anyway.
So with that I ask God:

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Change the things I can
and the Knowledge to know the difference...Amen

Day 27 Blog Fest

Day 27: An Original Picture of the city you live in

TOPEKA, KS

Day 26 Blog Fest

Day 26: Your Dream wedding

I think every girl knows exactly what their dream wedding would be like. Me being in the wedding business, ive just about seen them all. But I have my visions of gradeur as well.

I see my dream wedding day in the fall, when the leaves are starting fall, with rich colors of red and oranges, some brown.

It would slight cool, but not uncomfortable, there would be pumpkins as accent pieces random placed about. There would be laterns hanging from trees to provide candle light and luminaries lighting paths to guide my guests. the Smell of apple cider would come from the fountains to ready pour for my guests. and my 3 tier cheesecake wedding cake would taunt people from all over, decoracted in candied fall leaves.

yes i see my gorgeous fall wedding in my head, and I know one day ill get the prince charming that matches my perfect day!

Day 25 Blog Fest

Day 25: Put your Ipod on Shuffle, List the first 10 Songs

1) Al Green- Lets Stay Together
2) Keri Hilson- Breaking Point
3) R. Kelly- Radio Message
4) Paramore- Hallelujah
5) Zapp and Roger- I Want to be your Man
6) Maxwell- This womans Work
7) Blackstreet- Before I let you go
8) The Script- For the First time
9) Be ready for the world- Love you Down
10) Wiz Kahlifa- Black and Yellow

Day 24 Blog Fest

Day 24: something you've learned

Day 23 Blog Fest

Day 23: Your Favorite Movie

For some reason it feels like we did this one already...but oook. So my ALL TIME favorite movie ever (though this decision was very hard to make) would be :

Under the Tuscan Sun

This movie was such an eye opener for me, I discovered this movie right after I got divorced. It saved me. I could relate so much with the character Diane Lane played, it felt like me in so many ways. One of the quotes from the movie felt so true at the time

"Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know."

Thats exactly how I felt. Its a moving story and surprisingly the best friend relationship in the movie feels just like the one I have in real life. I love this movie and everything about it. actually, now that we are talking about it....Im off to watch it. And I will leave you with my two favorite quotes from the movie.

"Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present. "

&

" Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing."

Day 22 Blog Fest

Day 22: Whats in your purse

To be honest, I believe that my purse who have a caution label on it and if it did it would say

CAUTION: the contents of this bag could save the earth!!!

I have a plethora of fantastic goodies in my purse. A lady must always be prepared for every situation. The menagerie that is my purse will always be a mystery to everyone until there is a time when you need something because more than likely I have it in my purse or I have something like it.
A woman should never be judged by the contents of her purse!!!

Day 21 Blog Fest

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself of ALL TIME and why?

I wont lie, I have tons and tons of pics of myself, call me a narcasist but who doesnt like a good picture of themselves? I guess its because for the longest time, I didnt have good pics of myself because I wasnt happy with the way I looked. But now I have accepted myself (as much as I a going to) for the person I am and the looks God graced me with. Ill wake everyday with this same face and so...I embrace it.

So here it is, my all time favorite picture of myself

So the reason I love this picture so much is because it was before I had lost weight, I never knew back then how pretty I actually was, but the picture brought out alot of my asian side and I truly was very happy that day...funny how that was right before I got divorced. It reminds of a time when things were so much more simpler...when I "thought" I knew who I was, it reminds of the person that I am glad of who I am today!

Day 20 Blog Fest

Day 20: Nick Names

OH MAN IS THIS A LOADED BLOG OR WHAT

I have had the misfortune of being blessed with a name that can mulitple ridiculous nicknames that go with it. Id like to think its my parents cruel way of destining me to a life of ridicule! THANKS MOM AND DAD

So here they are, my nicknames: Jen, Jimmy Jina, Manjina, Va-jina (thanks John), Jinatalia, Jay

Arent they great?