Drama Queen

dra·ma queen: melodramatic person: somebody who likes to make a drama out of a situation by acting in an emotional way



Ok, ok, I am well aware guys that last nights blog post was.....dramatic to say the least, BUT I am bit of a drama queen and none of you should be surprised.

I don't want you all to worry that I will become some heartless cold wench, but there are few things I plan on straightening in my life.
I am sure all of you are wondering what spawned this whole blog and I am also sure that some of you could figure it out.
Its usually guy related and lets just say (for all sensitive purposes i wont go into a lot of detail) yesterday I got the proverbial relationship kiss of death, I was dubbed the really good friend. OUCH, SHOT TO HEART!!
Though I keep my great friend, lets just say my mind set was definitely not on the friend course, but I'm going to grab my bags and head back down the trail and take the side of the road that forked down to friendville, because i must have got bad directions cause i was was definitely going toward relationshipville.....damn GPS's, good for nothing......

Soooo....here I stand at Point A, so kids, HERE WE GO AGAIN. Are all of you ready to go on another adventure with me? Ready to face the gauntlet of dating with me yet again? Well too bad, cause we are going!!

This time ill try not to put on anymore of that friend perfume that I must have been wearing for the last 3 months and remember to re-read "How to put off the Aura of Girlfriend" guide again.
And damn it, next time could you guys give me the heads up that I'm being too friend-like to these guys!

~*Much Love My Bloggers*~

Will and Testament

Today I regretfully present the Last Will and Testament for a one said Jina Williams heart.

With the passing on of said heart, it leaves behind to proceed it Jina Williams Brain. From here on out all actions of emotion will be lead by rationale thought and rationale choices, no longer led by carefree will and heartfelt misguiding.

With the passing of said heart, we close the door to the game of finding love and the door open to reality. Clouded judgement will be a thing of the pass and calculated decision making will be implemented.

The passing of Jina's Heart was quite unexpected to many but it had lost its will to fight any longer, repetitive onslaughts had weakened its state and at last was put to ill-repair.

We will all miss and remember the days when the heart was ever present. The days when we could look back when the heart guided Jina through the gauntlet called love and life. Jina's heart had been a fighter for much longer than it should have been. In the final hours of Jina's hearts life it had come to the realization that it could fight no more, the void and emptiness of the world around it left it a shell of the former state it had been. Jina's heart had a painful yet silent death.

The Estate of Jina William's will be the sole property of Jina's Brain and all assets.

Dog days of...spring?

I have found that the longer I live in Topeka, the more things I find.

So the yesterday I decided to go for a drive, I was given an address by one of my co-workers for a park made for dogs. The Bark Park to be exact, how cute is that?

well I was able to find it without incident, even though I wont lie, its not very close to my apartment.

This park is definetely worth the trip.

Saydee has been locked in this apartment for too long and when she got to the park it showed.

Well after she was mauled by the pittbull.....YEA!

Now i have no problems with pittbulls, they are actually one of my favorite breeds. HOWEVER what i do have problems with are dumb people who cant restrain their damn dogs. Saydee and I didnt even make it two seconds into the park before she was mauled. She ran around screaming for dear life while I am trying to defend her from a 70lb pittbull, at that moment i really didnt care if I got bit.

After the pittbull was restrained, we were actually able to enjoy ourselves. Saydee did really well, she enjoyed the large pack and she ran her little heart out.

we stayed out there for 2 hours and it was nice to have some really good conversation with some great people. Funny how dogs can bring people together, its almost like talking about your kids.

I guess Saydee is like my kid.

Ive now made it a point to make sure Saydee gets to the Bark Park everyday that is physically possible. She has become a whole new dog, she isnt destructive, and doent make a mess of the apartment, its great!

I say yes to the Bark Park!

~**Much Love Bloggers**~

Why I blog

I'll be honest, I am proud of my blog.
I blog with complete honesty and my feelings at the time of the Blog.
Its my matter of perspective and it helps me unleash or unload my feelings in typed words when I wouldn't normally be able to say the quite so well.
About a year ago, if someone would have said, "Jen, your going to become an avid blogger", I would have giggled in their face and moved on with my life. However now, I feel so off when I don't. To harbor all those feelings inside and not let them out is....so unnatural now.
My blog is public, anyone has access to it and I don't mind that all. I want people to see it, and I mean everyone. If I didn't want anyone in particular to read, i wouldn't post it. However, I don't want to spawn any bad feelings from my blog to anyone either. I blog about everything and everyone that happens in my life because I feel I have a story to tell. And who doesn't like a good story right?
I'm not malicious, never have been, but if anyone knows me, they know I'm honest...almost to a fault. I am an emotion driven creature....for God sake, I'm a woman.

I wont make apologies or excuses, that's not the kind of person I am. I wont cover up my feelings because they make me the very person I am.
All I can do is wake up everyday and try to be a better person than I was the day before.
Ive always said "the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter"

So thank you to those of you who accept me as I am, my faults in all, whether it be by blog or in person.
And know that my blogging will go on, as it always has, funny, quirky and sarcastically as I can make it.

~**Much Love my Bloggers**~

Valentines Day Part 2

ok kids, this is part 2 of my Valentines Day Extravaganza....or something like that


So today is the actual real Valetines day and i am really going to try hard to not ramble through this blog.
As we know from part 1, things are muddle and puddle for me.
today only made it all that more clearer for me.
Saturday in KC made me realize alot of things. I found myself back into a pattern that I dont like that I am getting on. As we all know, Ive been seeing D now for the last almost 2 months now. I was so stoked to be able to spend this weekend with him. I guess in the far corners of my mind, I was hoping upon hope that it would be the catalyst to making him realize that we should be together. But, hey why would a guy want commitment to muddy up an already sweet deal right? (what am I talking about you wonder?) well heck, what guy would want to attach commitment to a situation that works out so well in his favor. You've got girl who is into you, you can have fun together, your getting the sex but you have none of the commitment that is required when your her boyfriend....exactly, what guy would complicate that???
So there in lies the dilemma, I am jumping right back into the crazy cycle i just so desperatly tried to escape from another guy. I am not so sure how this all keeps happening to me. But like Keri Hilson said "girls we cant be mad at anyone but ourselves, sometimes us women tolerate too damn much".
ANYWAY
So today is Valentines Day and i struggled all day to not have that whole Bahumbug attitude, but by 2:30-3:00 I was pretty much there.
I was close to the end of my shift, when a maintenance guy stopped by my desk. He brought me a large brown box and pointed to the name on the box and asked " Is this you?" and i promptly stated yes, he said " good, ive got two others just like it, ill be back". Three boxes...what the freak.
after my call, ill cut the box open, only to reveal a LARGE fluffy stuff teddy bear. Moments later the maintenance man came as promised with two equally large boxes.
With my supervisors permission i logged off my computer and cut into the other boxes. What was revealed blew my mind away. two dozen lavender long stem roses, two silver vases, purple sequin hearts and notes that said " I send a kiss inside the petals of each rose.." and "you take my breath away..today and everyday"....OMG. i could have cried, however everyone who knows me knows im not much for crying in public.
Now right now, I wont reveal who they came from because its really not the point, however the point was in the pudding... This gesture this valentines day wasnt about what was sent, it was what the message said to me.
It said to me: Jina, you were worth my time and my effort. you were worth something to me. I see you and the amazing woman you are and I acknowlegdge it. After putting everyone else first above yourself, I put you first.

This valentines day made me realize one of many things. You cant buy love nor can you force it. Sometimes you have to stumble your way through it. But never lose yourself in the process.

I am more than I give myself credit for, or what others give me credit for. And I am now going to get off that cycle.
I hate how much my emotions tend to complicate things, but I cant be that girl that doesnt care. How does someone become a person with no strings attached....how do I get there?
I want to wake up and just stop feeling....maybe its better that way.......
Maybe for once ill stop feeling for people who dont feel back


~**Much Love my Bloggers**~

Valentines Day (the Weekend) part 1

Normally I would be what most people would call a Valentines Day Scrooge. For most single people this holiday is the proverbial kiss of death. HOWEVER, this Valentines Day I got the privilege of not being a Nay-Sayer to this dreaded holiday and actually got to partake in some lovey dovey festivities.
Now be forewarned, this is a two part blog and.....all that glitters is not gold!

So since this year Valentines Day just so happens to fall on a Monday, which like most people doesn't work out so well since most hard working Americans work Monday-Friday.
Instead this year, for most, Valentines Day was celebrated on Saturday or Sunday.

This year, because i have been casually dating, I got to spend the weekend with one of my daters...that makes me sound so horrible and like a floozy, but meh...fuck it. (yea i used floozy...my grandma would be proud).

We planned a night in Kansas City that would include dining out and gambling (though I'm not a fan of gambling....its the devils playground).
I got the hotel very cheap due to a gift card I had been saving and cheap hotels always freak me out, HOWEVER we must have hit the hotel jackpot because this hotel ROCKED!
Starbucks and bar built right into the lobby...someone knew me all too well!
The rooms looked like something out of a design magazine, it was just awesome.

After settling in, we met up with D's best friend and wife. (first of, lets just establish that I am not, NOT D's girlfriend, but i still get to meet his best friend and wife.....hmmm) They were super nice and I liked them right away. After MUCH..way too much deliberation we finally decided on which casino to go to and where to have dinner (keep in mind it wasn't the casino i was dying to go to and we had to plan to go to all along, but HEY i can compromise). We got to the casino and it was GORGEOUS, Ameristar, you are amazing. We had dinner at a typical sports bar, the drink special was delish. After me settling into my buzz, D and I got into a stirring conversation with a couple, and would ya know it, the guy was Priest Holmes Trainer at some point....MMMHMMMM riiiiggghhht guy. He was highly intoxicated and smelled oddly of piss (and D made it a point to point out the guys fly was undone, UNCOMFORTABLE, especially since the guy told me i was beautiful and asked for my #, while D talked to his wife!!!!).
Finally we made it to the casino. Ill just say, i probably would have been better off drinking the night away at the bar. I ended up parked in front of a slot machine, while everyone else scampered off into oblivion.
by midnight...I found myself in a drunken induced sleep state, contacts shot from all the cigarette smoke, and half falling asleep on a railing while watching people play craps...waiting...and waiting...and waiting. By 130 am, I was finally rejoined by my group that were "ready" to go. KNOW WHEN I WAS READY!!!??? 2HRS PREVIOUSLY.
however in my time in waiting i had plenty of time think, but ill save that for part 2!.

We left the casino and headed back to the hotel where I promptly did not fall asleep, though ill leave all the details out, I did get much sleep (and no its not because of what y'all nasty minds are thinking for) because the bed just didn't do it for me, 4 hours of sleep is about what I got.

I wont lie, the weekend wasn't a total bust, however, I must have just set my expectations way to high. I was thinking about this unbelievably romantic weekend, the kind that you could come home bragging to your friends about....but it left me more confused then ever.
Nothing is ever easy my bloggers

~**Much Love, Bloggers**~

I Look to You

Hello February

So January is offically OUTTA HERE, and so we begin with February.

I always tend to struggle at the beginning of a new year because I think too hard about the year to come. All the things I want to accomplish and how to do it in the measly 12 months I have to do it in. 12 months may seem like a long time but in essence...its not.

Even as we sit today we have exactly 321 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, 48 sec, 47, 46, 45...till Christmas. Dang! should I make my list already....le sigh.

But let me stop and because try as we might to grasp the magnitude of all the responsibilities that lie ahead for the new year, we cant help but stop and think...man are we lucky to be blessed to see another year.

This new year, I am going to try and stop worrying about what needs to get done in the future and just worry about what I need to get done today, because tomorrow, for sure, is never garunteed.

I am happy knowing that in 2 hours I need to make a sandwich, fold laundry and possibly take the dog out because Ill beat her if she pee's on my floor. Ill worry about the rest later :)

**~Much Love my bloggers~**